First comes love
by XxCherryDarlingxX
Summary: When what seems like a tragic event brings our two favorite characters closer together in their adult lives , they'll find out what they both really mean to one another.
1. Prologue

It was only ten o'clock, and I was already bored. I took another swig of champagne and looked around the room, searching for someone vaguely interesting to talk to. I'd spent the entire night with Dan and Serena and I was past ready to move on. I couldn't believe I'd wasted a perfectly good dress on this fundraiser, I didn't even know what they were raising money for, but the attire was formal and I'd chosen a floor-length, back-less satin dress. Big mistake, there weren't even any guys there that were worth my time. That's when I saw him, in a black tux, looking just as good as ever. My eyes widened as I drank in the sight of him, I saw him spot me and I looked down demurely, as if anything had changed. I looked up and my eyes drifted through the crowd and back to him, apparently, his eyes had never left me. I saw him coming closer and I could feel my palms start to sweat, the flute of champagne slipped downward one centimeter.

"Waldorf," he smirked. "It's been a while since we last saw each other."

"I would say it's been years." I took a sip of champagne.

"Not since your going-away present." he said, then smiled at me, remembering what had happened on the eve of my departure.

I remembered it well, but I blushed whenever I thought about what had go on (that's how hot it was), so I tried to keep the mental pictures from appearing in my mind. I thought about how bored I was, how annoying Serena and Dan were together, anything to keep from remembering that hot, sweaty, passionate sex that we'd both enjoyed, all night long. Oh god, I could feel my cheeks growing hot, thank goodness for dim lights.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, anxious to change the subject.

"It's a fundraiser for underprivileged kids, naturally I'm here."

"Did you grow a heart while I was gone?" I raised an eyebrow and felt the edges of my mouth turn upward.

"Actually, I'm just here because Lilly is hosting and I was bored."

"There's the Chuck Bass we all know and love." I murmured, downing the last of my champagne and grabbing another glass as a waiter strolled by.

"What more do you want? I'm here, asking me to care is a completely different matter." he said.

We stood there quietly, watching everyone else chat about nothing. Why had I even come? Oh, that's right, Serena had talked me into attending so that I could "mingle". These things were so boring, even when I was in high school (when I wasn't hosting), I struggled to stay conscious during these events. I needed to leave. I needed a reason, any reason to get out.

Suddenly I felt Chuck's hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer to his body. How had I not noticed him getting closer to me? Was I really thinking that hard about how much I hated functions like these? I'd have to work on that.

"You look bored out of your mind." he whispered into my ear as I instinctively brought my champagne flute to my lips.

"Really?" I managed, my chest tightening. "I was going for observant."

"Come on."

I felt Chuck's hand push me forward, towards the door. I didn't even bother putting up a faux fight, I really did want to leave and this was the perfect time to do it. I put my glass down on a nearby table as Chuck grabbed my jacket and held it out to me.

"Thank you." I slipped my arms inside and gave Serena a small wave goodbye.

"Where are you going?" she mouthed to me.

I smiled, blushing again, and gestured to Chuck, who was retrieving his own coat. When she followed my gesture, her eyes widened and her mouth dropped. She turned around and whispered something to Dan, then made her way over to me. Oh, here we go...

"B, what are you doing?" she whispered.

"Leaving."

"With Chuck?"

"Yes."

"B, are you seriously going to do this again? Every time the two of you get together, someone gets hurt, and usually, it's you." she explained, her eyes on Chuck as he gave the man at the coat-check his ticket and waited calmly.

"I haven't even done anything yet."

"Yet?"

"Serena, it's not like that. I'm just leaving because I'm bored out of my skull. Could you tell Lilly that I left and that her fundraiser didn't suck?" I smiled, grabbing my bag and walking over to where Chuck was standing.

She shook her head and went back to talking with Dan. I knew if something happened and I ended up getting my heart broken, I would never hear the end of it. But that wasn't what I was focused on right now, I just wanted to see him again. After four years, and I would never actually say this to anyone, I missed him.

In his hotel suite, Chuck poured me a drink and we sat on the couch together, basking in the silence. It was awkward, like it would have been with anyone else, it was just quiet.

"So where's your live-in girlfriend?" I asked, standing up and swaying slightly. I placed my drink on the coffee table and removed my heels, one, then the other.

"She couldn't keep up with my lifestyle." he brought the glass of scotch to his lips.

"When I heard that you were actually dating someone, I thought it was a joke." I smiled, looking down at him. "What was her name, Nadia? She didn't look like she could handle being one of us. I'm actually not surprised that she's not here."

"Why are you bringing it up?" he stood up, placed his drink on the table next to mine and walked over to me.

"No reason."

He ran his hand over my bare shoulder and lowered his mouth to my neck. Chuck's lips brushed my throat ever so slightly and I felt my entire body shudder, he still had the power to send shivers up my spine with one touch, it was amazing. The two of us were like magnets. We tried to resist the pull of the other, but when we came together, something inexplicable happened.

"Blair-" he whispered huskily into my ear, his hand travelling from my shoulder, down my spine and to my lower back.

"Yes?" I panted, my cheek brushing his lower jaw.

"Have sex with me."

I looked into Chuck's deep brown eyes, surprised at his choice of words. I'd remembered him saying them to me at a party, the night the lights went out. I'd turned him down, while my body was screaming yes, and somehow still ended up in my bedroom with him.

"Why?" I murmured against his cheek as he lowered the strap on my dress and kissed my shoulder. "Why should I?"

"Because we both want to." he bit me softly.

"And?" I pressed.

"You missed this while you were gone."

"Keep trying." I smirked.

"I missed this while you were gone."

"That's good enough." I breathed, turning his face to mine and kissing him for the first time in four years.

As his lips moved with mine, my heart pounded faster in my chest. It felt right, as many reasons as I had for why I shouldn't have done this, there was one very important reason why I should. We were always supposed to be together. When we saw one another from across the room, the lines between right and wrong were instantly blurred. Was what we were doing right? Was it wrong? I had no idea, but it sure was fun.

Chuck pulled the other strap of my dress down and stepped away from me ever so slightly, allowing the dress to fall into a pool of satin around my feet. I stood there in my black stockings, bra and underwear, kissing him, my hands working at the buttons on his shirt. My hands undid each button slowly and when his shirt was completely open, I pushed it off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. I pulled him backwards toward the bedroom and managed not to walk into anything even though I was walking backwards.

When I felt the back of my knees hit the edge of the bed, I pushed Chuck away gently, unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down to his ankles, taking his boxers with them. Gracefully, I fell onto the bed and propped myself up on my elbows. I watched as his eyes ran over my body and smiled when he climbed on top of me, yanking my panties off as he pressed his lips to mine. I saw him fling them somewhere across the room and made a mental note that to look for them when I left.

"Chuck-" I moaned as the two of us flipped over, putting me on top.

I lowered myself onto him and tilted my head back. Chuck groaned in pleasure below me. His hands made their way to my hips and I lowered my head and kissed him, then rolled over, placing him back on top of me. Chuck, wanting waste no time, began moving inside of me. Thrusting into me like only he could and allowing me to make sounds like I never had before. I was getting closer to the edge and so was he. His thrusts became shorter and harder and when a mind numbing orgasm ripped through me, I gripped the sheets until my knuckles turned white. Chuck came at almost the same time I did and when it was over, he collapsed on top of me, breathing hard.

"Oh god." I panted as he pulled out of me.

"I'm glad we had this time to catch up." he smiled.

"Me too." I said, then wrapped my leg around his body. "This was better than a fundraiser anyway."


	2. Tragedy

Damn him. Damn him and that stupid test. Damn him, those four tests and their stupid pink lines. This couldn't be happening, this was not the plan. I'd gotten through Yale and I'd promised myself that from then on, everything would be perfect. But then, that ass came bounding back into my life and like a moron, I fell for him all over again. One night, we agreed, but the result was a surprise neither of us expected.

"Blair?" I heard Serena's voice, but for some reason, she sounded farther away than she really was. Everything sounded as though I was submerged under water. "Blair!" she snapped her fingers, yanking me out of my daze.

I looked up at her, my face still frozen in a state of shock. Serena stood in front of me, her golden locks framing her perfect face. Just looking at her made me want to be sick, but I'd already done that once today. She was my best friend, but it annoyed me that everything was so easy for her. She wasn't the one that had the big issues, no, that was my job. I was the one who was put on the waiting list for Yale, the one for which Chuck's butterflies fluttered and, for some reason, the hits kept on coming.

"Everything is going to be okay. You just need to be calm." she said, taking a deep breath then letting it out.

"How can you say that Serena?!" I shouted. "Everything is not _okay_, okay?! My life is over-" I fell backward onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "I can't believe this is happening to me. What have I done-"

"B, You haven't done anything wrong and now, you have options when it comes to things like this. Let's see, there's abortion, adoption, you could have it-"

"Well obviously I can't have it, Serena!" I groaned and unconsciously placed a hand on my stomach. "Think about what that would do to me! Gossip Girl would explode and I can just picture the mass text alerts and what they would say. _'Blair Waldorf is getting fatter. Why, you ask? She's sporting the newest Hollywood trend, a baby bump.'_ I can't handle a child Serena! When I pictured my life there was just me, no kid! Oh my god, I'm going to have to step down."

"Okay, Blair, you're acting insane. I don't even think anyone our age reads Gossip Girl anymore, besides, there are people that have kids and manage to hold down careers. You took over your mom's business and look, you live in this huge apartment and you're completely successful."

"What are you saying?" I sat up and narrowed my eyes at her.

"B, I'm not saying anything. Just do what you need to do." she folded her arms. "Does he know?"

"No, because there's nothing to know. It was a one time thing, now it's over and can you imagine Chuck as a dad? Yeah, I don't think so." I rolled my eyes and leaned back onto my red duvet. "His father completely screwed him up, I can only imagine what he'd do to our kid."

"What kid? I thought you weren't going to have it."

"I'm not, I won't." I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to rid my mind of Chuck along with any and all baby thoughts.

The words had flown out of my mouth before I'd even realized I'd said them. Chuck was messed up, so what? It's not like he was going to be a father, I certainly wasn't going to let that happen and even if I did have the child, I'd be out of my mind to let Chuck come anywhere near me. One of these days, I would learn to say no to that man and mean it. The fact that he could come into my life after I had been rid of him for so long was-

Serena's cell phone jingled in her pocket. "Hello? Oh, hey Dan, no I'm with Blair. Uh, sure. Yeah give me fifteen minutes." she hung up her phone and looked at me.

"Go." I groaned, rolling onto my side and wrapping my arms around my midsection. "What does he want anyway?"

"We're picking out venues." I stared at her blankly. "The wedding?"

"Oh god, that's still on?"

"Why do you hate Dan so much?" she asked, standing up and pulling on her pale blue jacket.

"He lives in Brooklyn-" I mumbled, turning my head into my pillow. "But that's not the issue, the real issue is me being with child." I turned my head back to Serena.

"Call Chuck and tell him what's going on with your uterus."

"I don't want to tell him, I'm not going to tell him because this isn't happening, okay? He doesn't need to know."

"Fine," she sighed. "We'll go to a clinic tomorrow and get this straightened out."

I let out a relieved sigh and closed my eyes. I heard Serena close the front door to my apartment and I let my body relax. She was right, tomorrow, everything would be over. My three week bout of pregnancy would be done and I would have even more of a reason to hate Chuck, and his sperm. When I drifted off to sleep, I had the strangest dream. I saw myself standing in a yard watching a small boy play and laugh. I was smiling, looking over my white picket fence at my average suburban neighbors. Suddenly, there was a hand on my shoulder and I looked over to see Chuck, with a gold wedding band on his left ring finger, smiling down at me. I beamed back at him like I was in love-

I shot straight up in bed, breathing hard and sweating slightly. I clutched my chest and ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself down.

"Holy shit-" I panted.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, making me nearly jump out of my skin. As if the dream about Chuck and I wasn't nearly creepy enough, there was someone at my door, right now. Perfect. I looked over to the alarm clock on my nightstand and saw that I had been asleep for three hours. The knocking continued.

"Yes," I murmured to myself, climbing out of bed and walking to the door.

"Blair!"

Wait a minute, I recognized that voice. It was all too familiar, but it couldn't have been-

"Chuck." I said, trying not to reveal how shocked I was to see him.

I couldn't go just a week without seeing him somewhere. No, that would be too easy for me. I had to remember, I was Blair Waldorf and nothing came without its own little bag of issues.

"Surprised to see me?" he smirked, walking past me, into my apartment.

"You know I do love these little visits, but I don't have time to deal with you right now. I'm kind of busy." I closed the door and walked over to him, my arms folded across my chest. Somehow this felt necessary. It was like he could see right through me every time he looked into my eyes and I felt like he wouldn't figure out my little secret if I kept a barrier between us.

"As I remember, you were never to busy to see an old friend." he turned to face me, his deep brown eyes gazing into mine.

"Your memory is faulty." I sneered. "Now, are you done inspecting my apartment for whatever the hell it is you're looking for?"

"I can tell it's a bad time, I'll come back later."

I walked him to the door and I was certain he was going to leave, but then he turned around to face me.

"Come out with me."

"Come out with you where?" I asked suspiciously.

"Dinner."

"Why?"

"Because you've been gone for four years and I want to talk to you."

"You? Talk? I doubt it." I laughed. "No, I refuse, I'm busy."

"Too bad it wasn't a question." he whispered into my ear, then kissed my cheek. "I'll send a car for you at eight."

As Chuck walked away, I pressed my hand to my cheek, right where he'd kissed me. Somehow I kept getting sucked into playing his games and I wondered why I even bothered to put up a fight anymore. I always ended up doing what he wanted and most of the time I liked doing it. As I closed the door behind him, I vowed not to argue with myself when the car came about whether or not to climb inside.


	3. Decisions

"I'm not going, this isn't happening." I said, pacing back and forth across the floor of my apartment.

"Then why are you still getting dressed?" Serena asked, lounging on my bed.

I had called Serena away from Dan an hour ago to come and help me figure out what to do, but I soon realized that she would be no help. I turned to her and placed my hands on my hips.

"_What?!_" she snapped, sitting straight up, her blonde waves tumbling over her shoulders. "Blair, you're standing in front of me in an evening gown expecting me to believe that you don't want to go? Think about it, tonight you can tell him that you're pregnant-"

"Shut-up!" I hadn't thought about my situation for at least fifteen minutes and just when the thought had left the fringes of my brain, Serena brought it up again. "Why would I need to tell him tonight?"

"Because you're carrying his child."

"Not for long I'm not. There's no reason to ruin a good night with the P-word." I said, smoothing out the invisible creases in my long red dress. "He doesn't need to be concerned."

"Why won't you just tell him?" she sighed, flopping back down onto the bed.

Before I could answer, my phone rang. Saved, for now-

"Could you get that?" I asked, walking into the bathroom.

As I stood in front of the mirror, I brought my hair forward over both shoulders, shook my head, then tried it over just one. Nothing seemed to look right. My straight hair looked lifeless and dull and it was frustrating trying to get it to look like I wanted it to. I took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. Here I was, trying to actually look nice, for Chuck, of all people. I gave up trying to look as perfect as always, tucked my side-swept bangs behind my ear and walked out of the bathroom to see Serena still laying on the bed, right where I'd left her.

"That was your doorman. Your car is here." she smiled, turning her head to look at me. "B, you look amazing!"

"Of course I do," I laughed, trying not to sound nervous. "When do I not?"

"No, it's more than how you look, its the vibe you give off. You're glowing-" she beamed, hopping off my bed. "Maybe motherhood-"

"Serena, if you say anything else about my situation, I'm going to have to kill you." I said, a stiff smile coming to my face.

"B-"

"Oh god Serena, get out!" I laughed, pushing her towards the door.

"You really do look nice Blair." she said, before opening the door and leaving.

"Thanks." I closed the door behind me and tightened my grip on my clutch. "Now, I have to go to dinner."

"Good luck."

Downstairs, I saw the black town car parked outside my building and I realized I had no idea where I was going. But something propelled me forward and allowed me to get into the car without a second thought. Perhaps it was my curiosity about what lay ahead, or maybe it was my need to see Chuck again after all the years we'd been apart-

I wasn't at all surprised to see that Chuck wasn't there, waiting for me, but the driver had been given his instructions and I was just along for the ride. I sat in the backseat, thinking of all the different ways that the words, "I'm pregnant" could spill out of my mouth. We could be talking about something completely different and it could just slip out. I couldn't even foresee the chain reaction that my confession would cause, so I vowed not to ingest a single drop of alcohol; not that I could even if I wanted to.

As the car pulled up to its destination, I peered out of the window and saw that we'd parked in front of the New York Palace Hotel. Why had I been driven here? Was I meeting Chuck in his hotel suite? That son of a-

"Ms. Waldorf?" the driver said, opening the door for me.

I stepped outside and looked around, confused.

"Wait, did Chuck tell you to bring me here?"

"Yes, and Mr. Bass told me to escort you inside to the dining area."

I walked inside behind the driver, feeling like a complete idiot for trusting Chuck to be a human being for once in his life. He'd said dinner, and I was stupid enough to believe him. Now look where I was, standing in front of his hotel like a moron. It was clear that Chuck was only after one thing tonight and I would make sure that he didn't get it, no matter what.

As I walked into the lobby, the only sound that I heard was the gentle click of my heels against the marble floor, which was strange, considering that it was dinner time and hotel guests were usually downstairs eating. The driver led me into the empty dining room and it took me a second to realize that no one was there. It was completely empty, except for a single figure standing in the middle of the room.

"Chuck-" I started, walking further into the hall, a small smile coming to my face.

"Well hello." he smirked, coming over to me and placing a warm hand on the small of my back.

"What is this?"

"Dinner, as promised."

He led me to the middle of the room, to a table garnished with a single candle and place settings for two. He really had gone all out for this. I'd expected an outing, not the closing down of a dining hall.

I sat down, then looked to Chuck. "Aren't people angry that you cancelled their dinner plans here?"

"It's my hotel, I can do whatever I want." he smiled, sitting down in the chair across from me. "When did you start caring about the well being of others?"

"When did you become such a romantic?" I asked, gently tossing my hair (which seemed to have gained volume on the ride to the hotel) over my shoulder and smirking. "Closing down part of your hotel for _me_? Who would have known-"

"I wouldn't go as far as to say romantic-"

"Why?" I asked suddenly, looking into his deep brown eyes.

"I'm Chuck Bass."

"No, not that," I smiled. "I mean why would you do this for me?" I gestured around the empty hall.

"Why not?"

I could feel my face turning red and I was suddenly grateful that the only sources of light were the single candle on our table and the dimly lit lights around the room. What was wrong with me? This was Chuck I was talking to here, he hadn't changed and neither had I. When had I started acting like this around him?

I thought back to the last time I blushed in front of him and the first thing that came to mind was the night I got-

No, no, I wouldn't think about it, that was the plan. I couldn't think about it, I had to mentally avoid the subject completely and pretend like it wasn't happening. The only problem was that it was happening and I could feel myself gaining weight everyday, getting wider. But I hadn't come here to think about that. Why had I come in the first place? I certainly had nothing to tell him and I was trying (without much success) to stay away from him. Why was I here? I must have been crazy to come, to sit here and act like nothing was wrong with me, when I knew that there was.

"Blair?" Chuck was looking at me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, I just-" I fumbled for an excuse. "Excuse me." I stood up abruptly, and started to walk out of the dining hall.

"Blair!" he called after me.

"Ladies room." I said, walking as quickly as I could out the double doors and into the lobby.

I was completely alone out here and my heart was racing. I walked into the ladies bathroom and stood over the sink, looking at myself in the mirror.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I sighed.

It was a question I could not answer. I had decided long ago that I wasn't going to tell Chuck, but maybe Serena was right. He did deserve to know and I had no other reason to see him tonight, other than to sleep with him again, which was not going to happen. I hadn't come just to enjoy his company, subconsciously, I knew that I had to tell him.

I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. I picked up my clutch, walked over to the bathroom door and pulled it open. As I walked back to the dining room, I tried to rub away the goosebumps on my arms, but they seemed intent on staying put. I'd made a decision and I was sticking to it. This was it.

"Blair," Chuck stood up as I neared our table. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I, uh-" I stood in front of him. "I need to talk to you. _We_ need to talk."


	4. Telling

"We need to talk about what?" Chuck asked me.

Suddenly, my heart started to pound in my chest and my palms began to sweat. I couldn't tell him. I could admit that Serena was right, that Chuck should know, and that I was with child. The only thing I couldn't do was utter, "I'm pregnant" to Chuck Bass. The words were stuck in my throat and no matter how many times I shouted them in my mind, they refuse to tumble out of my mouth.

"I-" again, I fumbled for a lie, something that would get me out of this situation, and quickly. "Can't see you anymore."

Whoa, that one just popped out. It was the first thing that had come to my mind, and it was the one thing that I knew wouldn't work. No matter what the circumstances, Chuck and I couldn't keep away from each other.

"What?" he narrowed his eyes at me.

It was too late to take it back, so I just rolled with it.

"I can't, too much has happened."

"Like what? Us sleeping together? Waldorf that's bullshit-"

"No, I mean we haven't seen each other for four years and we're both the same, obviously. Maybe there was a reason that we never worked out in high school. We're not meant to be together-" my voice cracked and I glanced at the floor. I knew it was a lie, we were always meant to be together but there was always something in the way. "Why beat a dead horse?" I turned to leave, but Chuck caught me by my upper arm and tugged me back.

"What the fuck are talking about?" he growled.

"I'm saying that we shouldn't have gotten together a Lily's fundraiser. It was a mistake." I tried to twist my arm free, but he was too strong and I was too emotionally distraught to really try.

"Why don't you try telling me the truth? You and I both know when you're lying, so what's going on with you?"

"Just please let me go." I pleaded, a single tear running down my cheek.

Pleading? Could I sink any lower than I already had? His grip loosened and I was able to bring my arm to my side. When had I become so emotional? Stupid hormones...

Suddenly, a wave of sadness came over me and without warning, I began sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't stop. Not even the giant panic breaths I was taking helped to slow the steady stream of tears.

There I was, sitting in the middle of a completely deserted dining hall, crying. I really didn't even have a reason to cry. The tears were just falling and I was powerless to stop them. I sat there, sobbing like an idiot for a good fifteen seconds until I felt Chuck's arm wrap around my shoulders.

"Blair, what's wrong?"

"I can't-" I sobbed, trying to catch my breath.

"Blair, it's me your talking to." he said, trying to comfort me. No dice.

"I know-" I cried, taking my hand and covering my face. "That's why I can't-"

Things were becoming pathetic, I had to leave, before I embarrassed myself anymore. I had to get up and get out.

I stood up from my chair without another word and started to walk out of the hotel. So far so good, at least I was moving in the correct direction. My heels clicked along the marble floor as I fled from Chuck and when I pushed open the double doors that led outside, I closed my eyes as a cool breeze blew past me.

"Blair!" Chuck called.

I looked behind me and saw that he was following me out of the hotel. If anything he looked more angry than curious. No one walked away from Chuck Bass, not even Blair Waldorf, or whomever I had become. Recently, I had turned into a hollow shell of my old self, I didn't know what had become of me. I wiped a lone tear from my cheek and walked out onto the sidewalk, preparing to call a cab.

Suddenly, I felt him grab my wrist and whip me around to face him.

"Get the hell off me." I pulled away, but he pulled me back to him.

"Waldorf, you know I'm one for a chase but I'm tired playing games. So for the last time, what's going on?" he asked, his eyes boring into mine.

"I'm pregnant." I spat, snatching my hand away.

**_XOXO_**

"It just came out." I said. "I didn't even mean to say it. I mean, I meant to say it, but then I changed my mind. Really, I just said it so that he'd let go of me. I panicked, it was my only option-"

For hours I'd sat at home alone, trying to justify why I'd told Chuck about my situation and I had yet to come up with a good reason. I stared off into space, hoping the answer would just come to me, but it didn't and I knew it never would.

"It's good that you told him." Serena yawned on the other line.

It was nearly one in the morning when I'd worked up the nerve to call Serena, but I soon found out that she was no help when she was tired.

"Why is it good?! In what alternate universe is that kind of news _good_?!" I said, nearly shouting.

"Calm down B. Just lay down and go to sleep." she said, sounding like she was falling asleep herself.

Serena had refused to come over, even though I had told her that this was an emergency. So, I had settled for conversation over the phone, but she was barely paying attention and I wouldn't stand for that.

"Serena focus!"

"Blair, it's two in the morning, what do you want me to do? Chuck knows that you're pregnant. Right now, you're not doing anything but re-playing the events of tonight in your head, which is useless because Chuck still knows and you're still pregnant. Go to bed."

"You're supposed to be helpful when I have a problem."

"B, I'll be helpful whenever you want me to, just not this late at night."

"Fine." I groaned.

"Just remember that unless you have a time machine, there's nothing-"

"Yeah, yeah, nothing I can do." I hung up the phone before Serena could say anything else.

Taking the phone away from my ear, I had to admit that she was right, there was nothing I could do right now that would make anything any better. The only person that I could talk to, the only person that I should have been talking to at that moment, was Chuck. I glanced at the cordless phone in my hand as adrenaline coursed through my veins. The last few moments of our encounter hadn't ended well and I had no doubt that he was still awake thinking about what we were going to do. If anything we had similar thought processes and if I was up pacing, he was up pacing. I could leave things like they were, something had to be done. So I raised the phone and began dialing his number.


	5. Okay

"Why are you calling me?" Chuck asked coldly. "I thought we already had our daily argument-"

"Because I know you and I know that you're pacing. Why else would you be awake right now?"

"So, what do you want? Did you call me to elaborate on this whole pregnancy situation?"

"I just wanted to tell you that after today, this is over and we probably shouldn't have sex again." I said, then recanted. "No, make that, we definitely shouldn't have sex again."

"Why are you so set on us not getting together anymore?"

"Because we had sex and now I'm pregnant!"

There was a silence on Chuck's end and I stood up from my chair and began to pace again. I had no idea why I'd even called him. Sure, it had been to talk, but I could have gone off and had an abortion without saying anything to him. Why did I have to call? We'd just get into another fight, just like the one we'd had earlier.

"Look, I have an appointment tomorrow and, like I said, this will be over. So, that's what's going with that."

"Okay." he said, simply.

My jaw dropped at how he just let my statement go, like I had said that I was going to do something simple, like go and eat breakfast. Sometimes it stunned me how he could let things like this go. his voice was as smooth as velvet and it never rose, not even when he got angry. It was alluring, and at the same time infuriating, it made it seem like no one thing mattered more than another.

"Okay?" I stopped in my tracks.

"Yes. Okay." he said, speaking slowly, as though I were stupid.

"What do you mean by okay?"

"I mean okay. Go ahead, do what you have to do."

"I tell you that I'm going to have an abortion and you come back with okay?"

"What do you want me to say Blair? You sound like you've got everything planned out-"

"You could at least pretend to care."

"Are you asking me to tell you to stay pregnant?"

"I'm asking you to care more!" I shouted, actually getting angry. "You see, this is why I can't have your kid, because this is important and you are completely aloof! It's like you have no feelings, about anything!"

"Does it matter what I say?" he said, remaining as calm as always, something that drove me crazy.

"Since it's obvious that you don't care about anything that I'm going to do, no, it doesn't matter what you say."

I hung up the phone and bit the inside of my cheek. Why was I getting so angry that Chuck didn't care? He was Chuck, not caring was what he did, who he was. I thought about his question. Was I asking him to tell me to stay pregnant? That's certainly what it sounded like, but I knew what I wanted. At least I thought I did.

**_XOXO_**

"Okay, can you just shift everything to the left?" I asked, slightly annoyed that no one could do anything right.

I was supposed to be preparing for a fashion show tomorrow night and I was getting more and more irritated because nothing seemed to be going my way. Maybe I was just imagining that nothing was being done correctly because of my conversation with Chuck last night. I went to bed annoyed early this morning and my irritation with Chuck's cool-as-a-cucumber attitude has transferred over into the workplace. I knew it was unprofessional, but I owned the company and I could do whatever the hell I wanted. If I felt like shouting because Chuck pissed me off, then I would shout damn it.

"No, I said left!" I shouted.

"Our left?"

"Unless the audience is going to be watching the show from the stage, my left!" I said, running a hand through my hair. "Idiots." I mumbled.

Suddenly, my cell phone rang in my pocket, I took it out and saw that it was Chuck. I rolled my eyes and considered whether or not to answer it. I could pick it up, get angrier and risk going off on someone so badly that I'd fire them, or, I could ignore it and have him calling me again and again for the rest of the day. Chuck was relentless when it came to what he wanted and if he was calling me after our conversation this morning, I was sure that he wanted something.

"Hello?" I sighed, flipping open my phone. I was already pregnant and cranky, what else could go wrong?

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Suddenly you care where I am?" I said, holding a clipboard and checking off things that needed to be done. I really didn't have time to talk to Chuck, but for some reason, I continued. "I'm at work, something you've never done a day in your life, so I don't expect you to understand." I sighed, looking up from the clipboard to watch the movers, who needed constant direction.

"Very funny Waldorf, but I didn't call to actually hear what you were doing. I need to talk to you."

"Well sure, since you're asking so nicely." I said, sarcastically, handing the clipboard back to my assistant and waving her away. "But, we spoke last night and I told you that I'm taking care of it, and then I hung up on you. I thought you would have gotten the message, but-"

"What if you didn't have to?"

I stood perfectly still, despite the chaos around me and tried to let the words sink in. Was he being serious? There was no way that he'd just said what I thought he'd said. This couldn't be real. Chuck as a father? Yeah right.

"What?"

"Do you really want to have an abortion?" he asked.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, taking my eyes off the movers and looking to the floor.

"I thought about what you said-"

"No." I moaned quietly, closing my eyes. "You're saying this because of what I said, do not make this about proving me wrong."

"It's not about you Waldorf, it's about what I want to do."

I stayed quiet for a moment as I walked off to a secluded corner of the room. The last thing I needed was anyone knowing that I was pregnant before I told them.

"It's also about what I want to do, don't forget that. You're just reacting to what I said." I repeated, shaking my head.

"I'm making a decision and I don't want you to do it."

"Do you even want to be a father?" I whispered, glancing around me. "It's a kid we're talking about here, not a way for you to prove me wrong. You haven't thought this through."

"I have, all night. I didn't sleep because I was thinking about what it would be like to be a dad. I don't want this pregnancy thing to end us. I honestly think that we can raise a child together, and not have it come out seriously screwed up."

"You don't want me to-" I started, but he cut me off.

"No."

"Because of us?"

"Yes."

"Say it."

"What?" I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"Just say it, so that I know. Otherwise, I'll do it." I said on the verge of tears. "I know you better than anyone and I can tell when you lie to me, I can hear it in your voice. I just need you to say it."

"I don't want you to get an abortion because I don't want to lose what we have, which will soon be a child." he said. "I don't want to lose you."

That was all it took. Those two sentences stopped me from getting an abortion and walking away from Chuck forever, or our version of forever. I knew that this was going to be an emotional eight months and that I was signing up for something that could not be undone. But there I was, pregnant with the next generation of Bass and, for the first time in weeks, I felt at peace.

"Okay." I said, the beginnings of a smile coming to my face.


	6. Office

"So, just like that, you're keeping the baby?" Serena asked. I could hear the anger, mixed with a generous amount of surprise, in her voice. "Just because Chuck said that you should?"

"Well, he is the father-" I trailed off.

"B, I have been telling you that you should keep the baby for forever. Now, Chuck is saying that he wants you to have it and suddenly you're all, 'Serena I'm going to have a baby in eight months'?"

"S, please don't lecture me right now." I sighed, adjusting the phone against my ear as I signed another form that my assistant, Joy, had thrust upon my desk two hours ago. "I just did it and I think we're going to be okay."

Serena let loose a sigh, but didn't dare to say anything more.

"How's the wedding planning going?" I asked, changing the subject as eight models formed a line outside of my office.

"Great, everything is great. Dan and I picked a place to have the wedding, but that's not the best part. I want you to be my maid of honor!" she squealed, as Joy opened my door and waved her hands, trying to get my attention.

"What?" I asked Joy, covering the mouth piece of my phone. "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Waldorf," she said, her voice wavering. "But we need you to clear these models so that they can be fitted for the show."

"You haven't done that already?"

"B, I'll just call you back about the whole maid of honor thing."

"No, I can answer you now." I said, motioning with my index finger for the models to make their way inside. "When is the wedding?"

"Two months."

I sighed, glancing at the first of what looked like three homely models waiting in my line. "I'll be your maid of honor on one condition, you have to give me a huge bouquet to cover up my you-know-what." I motioned for the model to spin and she did.

"Blair-"

"You have to Serena, or I won't do it." I waved the model away and waited for the next.

"Is that a no?" Joy asked, looking as clueless as ever.

"That's a hell no." I turned back to my conversation with Serena. "I just might have to take you up on that you calling me back thing."

"Yeah, sure." she sighed and hung up the phone and I proceeded to tell Joy what she could do to irritate me less.

XOXO

The sound of my kitten heels clicking down the linoleum tiled hallway rang loud and clear against the mumblings of overworked executives and their stressed assistants-I made a mental note to try and find one of those for myself, Joy was working my nerves. So, it was easy to say that my entrance did not go unnoticed and before I'd even reached the front desk, I was told that my presence was known. I breezed past security and walked straight into the elevator and pressed the button to take me up to the fourth floor. Once the correct floor, his secretary buzzed and told him that I was waiting outside, but I didn't wait to be told that I could go in, I was Blair Waldorf.

"You busy?" I asked, poking my head in his office door.

"I was wondering when I'd get to see you." he smiled, putting his pen down.

"I thought so," I smiled, stepping inside, then closing and locking the door behind me. Chuck stood up and adjusted his suit jacket. "I was thinking about having lunch, just you and me."

"But-" he pressed, as I walked towards him unbuttoning my yellow pea coat and letting it fall to the floor.

"But then, I started thinking about the last time we had sex." I laughed in spite of myself. "You know, being pregnant isn't all that bad. Sure you get fat, but most of the time, you just have all these hormones coursing through your body. Now, it's gotten to the point where I don't know what to do anymore."

At this point, I was literally right in front of him, so I stepped out of my heels and placed my hand on the single button holding his suit jacket closed. I could feel his heart skipping beats and I let the edges of my mouth turn upward seductively.

"But you probably have work to do, right?" I began to turn away, but he caught me by the wrist and pulled me to him.

The next thing I knew, he was kissing me passionately, like he had when we'd gone back to his suite the night of the fundraiser. I undid the button closing Chuck's jacket and pushed it off of his body as he back the two of us toward his desk. I felt his hands roam upward from my waist, tugging the material of my sweater upward and over my head.

I wrapped my arms around Chuck's neck and yanked him closer as he slid on hand underneath my butt and lifted me up. I didn't realize what he was doing until I felt myself hit the edge of a desk, Chuck's desk. Chuck's dead father's desk.

I pushed Chuck back gently. "Isn't this your dad's desk? Because if it is, that's a little too creepy for me."

"No," he smirked. "That's in storage."

"Good." I breathed, reaching for the zipper on his pants.

I managed to undo the button and pull the zipper down far enough to see the impressive bulge that had formed in his underwear. For a small moment, it distracted me with its sizable girth, and Chuck took that same moment to shove my skirt roughly up around my waist.

In the next few seconds, my underwear had been tossed onto his office floor and his pants pulled down to his ankles. Somehow, Chuck had managed to straddle me on top of his desk and we both were more than ready. Suddenly, I felt him thrust into me and I had to resist the urge to let out a loud moan. After all, I did still have to walk back out of his office and there were other people who worked on his floor who would know what we had been up to if we were too loud.

"You okay?" Chuck looked into my eyes and I could see geniune concern cross his face.

I nodded vigorously and pulled him closer. "Harder."

He smiled, but obliged and began to push harder and faster into me. My hand wrapped around the edge of his desk so tightly that I began to loose feeling in my fingers. We were both nearing the edge and my breaths began to come out in sharp gasps as he began to pound into me harder and harder, faster and faster. Then, suddenly-

"Mr. Bass?"

Chuck's secretary's voice came through loud and clear over the phone speaker, which was right next to my ear, and scared the shit out of me.

"Fuck." he grunted, leaning over me and pressing a red button. "I'm busy Rita." he said sounding extremely agitated, something that made me smile.

"I realize that Mr. Bass, but I have a Nathanial Archibald outside. He says he needs to see you."

The sound of his name made me freeze. Nate? What was he doing here? I knew he and Chuck were friends once, but why was he at his office?

"Tell him to give me five minutes." Chuck groaned, pulling out of me and dismounting his desk, then looked to me. I remained on his desk, still half nude. "I can't leave him out there-"

I nodded, understanding his situation, and climbed off of the desk. I scanned the floor for my underwear and pulled them on, then yanked my skirt back down.

I managed to get dressed in record time as Chuck straightened himself out in the corner.

"We'll finish this later." I promised, picking up my Birkin bag and slipping my feet into my kitten heels.

"Tonight?" he suggested.

"Tonight." I agreed, opening the door.

The first thing I expected to see when I opened the door was the edge of Rita's desk, which was why my smile faltered a bit when I saw Nate standing so close to me.

Like Chuck, I hadn't seen him since I'd left for Yale and due to certain circumstances, I had not been able to reconnect with him when I'd gotten back into the city. But, it's not like I wouldn't have recognized him if he were walking down the street. Nate still had the same boyish looks, but somehow, he was different. The scruff he'd grown on his face made him look older, but there was something else, he exuded a sort of confidence that made me want to blush-wonder where he'd gotten that from.

"Blair!" he smiled, certainly surprised to me.

"Nate!" I tried to imitate his genuine surprise.

"How are you?" he pulled me into a light hug as Chuck walked up behind the both of us. "When did you get back?"

"I'm fine and slightly embarrassed to say that I got back about a month ago."

He tilted his head to the side, no doubt debating whether or not to ask why I hadn't called. Nate and I were friends and exes, but were we that close? Close enought to call the other when something happened?

"Nathaniel." Chuck said. "Do you need something?"

"Yeah, I need to talk to you."

"Come in."

"I should go." I said, thankful that Chuck was there to save me from what could have been an even more embarrassing situation.

"Okay, see you around." Nate smiled.

Before Chuck closed the door, he gave me a knowing smirk and as I walked out of the building I wondered what Nate could be talking to Chuck about. I didn't even know they still spoke. With the whole I-love-Blair-no-I-love-Blair thing, I thought they'd stopped talking once I'd gone, but I guess not. I was so lost in thought, I hailed a taxi and climbed into it, only half paying attention, I was too busy thinking about what Nate had been up to all these years. I made a mental note to call him once I got a chance, I was sure we wanted to see me just as much as I had wanted to see him.


	7. Choosing

_**Okay, after an extra-long hiatus, my story is back and I will be putting up chapters more frequently! Sorry for being MIA guys!!**_

* * *

"So, I was thinking calla lilles for the vases at the tables-"

Serena had been babbling on about wedding details for the last thirty minutes and I had stopped listening after five. I was too busy thinking about what Nate and Chuck could have been talking about. As far as I knew, they hadn't spoken since the freaky Upper East Side love triangle we'd created-

"B?!" Serena shouted, snapping me out of my daze. "Are you listening to me?"

"Kind of-" I shrugged.

"Blair, did it ever occur to you that this is extremely important to me, and maybe I'd want some of your input?"

I shrugged. "S, I just came because I thought you would need someone to talk to in person, rather than calling me every two minutes because you found a plate design that you liked."

She raised a neatly arched eyebrow at me and sighed. "Fine, just go, if that's what you want."

She turned from me and began running her hand along the lace of a nearby table cloth. I felt like passing out on the floor, but I knew, the second I told Serena, she'd make me feel guilty about it somehow. I had to stay with her, I had to help her pick out the things for her wedding with Humphrey, I was her best friend.

"It's not what I want," I said. "I'm sorry I'm being so crazy. It's just with me being pregnant, and Chuck being back in my life, and seeing Nate for the first time since being back in town-"

"You saw Nate?" Serena asked curiously.

A little too curiously for me. Why was the fact that I'd seen Nate such a surprise?

"Yeah, haven't you spoken to him? He does live here-"

"No he doesn't." he laughed, as if I should have known. "He left for Europe about two months after you'd gone to Yale. I haven't seen or spoken to him since."

Europe? What could possibly be in Europe that he'd abandon his friends for?

"Why'd he leave?"

"No one really knows. I'd always assumed it was a new girl that he'd fallen for, but since you saw him and he didn't have her in tow-"

I shook my head. "I saw him at Chuck's office."

"Was he wearing a ring?"

I thought back to the few moments we'd spent at the door, speaking like no time had passed. I don't even recall looking down at his left hand, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his adorable scruff and the smile I'd grown so used to-

"Not that I saw-" I said, picking up a champagne flute with a gold rim. "What about these?"

_**XOXO**_

I found myself with my head in the toilet when I heard the phone ring. I'd just spilled the contents of my stomach and I didn't have the energy to run and catch the phone. Was this what I'd signed up for? Possibly eight continuous months of throwing up?

I raised myself from the floor and flushed the toilet before making my way to the porcelain sink and rinsing my mouth out with warm water. I hung my head over the sink for a moment feeling slightly better, but not by much.

I brushed my teeth and flicked some water onto my face, trying to ride out not speaking as long as I could. But once I'd cleaned myself up, I headed for my cell phone which had played a latin beat not five minutes ago. I checked my messages and saw that it was Nate who'd called when I had my head buried in the toilet.

I held the phone in my hand, just staring at Nate's number, contemplating whether or not to call. I certainly wasn't doing anything bad if I called. It wasn't like I was cheating. Chuck and I hadn't even established our relationship. All he'd said to me was that he wanted me to keep the baby because he didn't want to lose what'd we'd had, and for the last few years, what we'd had was hot tempers and even hotter sex. We'd never had a real relationship; he was never my boyfriend and I was never his girlfriend and I'd be stupid to think that because he'd said he didn't want to lose me he'd meant that we were dating from that moment on. It was Chuck, and there was never an underlying meaning to his words, except when it came to sex. He meant what he said, the way he said it.

Letting out a breath, I pressed the call button and waited nervously as the phone rang. Once, twice, tree times.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey, I just called-"

"I know," I smiled. "And imagine my surprise when I saw you had the same phone number after your mystery trip to Europe-"

I could have kicked myself for saying the words. Why had I brought up Europe? Whatever Nate had left New York for was none of my business.

"Well I had to fight with the phone company to get my number back." he laughed. "But since I am back in the country, I was hoping we could catch up over dinner. Maybe tonight?"

I glanced at my watch. It was six o'clock and because I'd spent the entire day picking out wedding stuff with Serena, I'd pushed back approving clothes for my upcoming fashion show. I knew I was getting down to the wire as far as the show went, but I had a life and I was being pulled in ten different directions at once. Between my throwing up, being tired all the time, Chuck, Serena, her need for me to be with her at every step in the planning of her wedding, and now Nate, I was beginning to think that the show would have to wait-

"Uh," I breathed.

"Look, you don't have to go if you don't want to. It was just an idea and I know that I can't just spring stuff on you like this-"

"No!" I said, almost frantically. "I want to go, I just-"

My sentence was interrupted by a beeping noise. It was my other line.

"Hold on." I clicked over. "Hello?"

"I was thinking we could stay in tonight, and work on that hormone problem of yours." Chuck said, his voice as smooth as velvet.

Oh perfect. Just what I needed, my ex-boyfriend on one line and my-

Well, Chuck, on the other. I knew what this would come to. I would have to chose.

"I'm not really feeling up to working on my hormone problem tonight-"

"Well, we'll find something else to do."

"That's sweet, but-"

Here it was, the moment of truth.

"Nate asked me to go to dinner tonight, and I already told him I was going to go-"

There was a silence, as I assumed there would be. No one ever turned down Chuck Bass, especially not for Nate Archibald and especially not me. I'd had my history with the two, and it seemed obvious who I'd preferred over the two.

"Sorry." I tried. "I'll call you later though-"

"Sure-" he murmured, and hung up the phone.

I clicked back over to Nate.

"What time should I be ready?"


End file.
